so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
