I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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