You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
