I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
