barbara walters just said penis...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i believe in u and ur pee
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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