Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we made out on top of his cat.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize