Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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