I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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