I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
