So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
