Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
