There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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