She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
