I accidentally had phone sex last night
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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