hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
