If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
