I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
