we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
