i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
