I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Never joke about your clitoris.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
