I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
