I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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