That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
