just tell him i said nine months
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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