There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
