So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
