Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
