Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.

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(281): View more from Texas

Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.

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(561): View more from Florida

Bad news is he broke up with me via text message

(561): View more from Florida

But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.

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(518): View more from New York

#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE

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(509): View more from Washington

Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.

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(775): View more from Nevada

He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home

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(862): View more from New Jersey

Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"

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