happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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