Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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