Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize