I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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