He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think I sprained my soul last night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
