Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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