i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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