Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
