Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
