he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
