Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
