Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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