I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
