When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
home. puking in laundry basket.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
