Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
