true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
