med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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