You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
