Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
