so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
