why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
