i think i have herpe
just one?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
