I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
