did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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