his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
