Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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