yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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