i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
