The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize