I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
