Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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