Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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