wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize